i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
