Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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