Will you blow on my dice?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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