Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
