Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
