Kiss
Puke
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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