Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
