I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
