TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
