I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
