You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
