I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
