Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
