The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and she was petting her beer can
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
