as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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