i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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