Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
