I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you had me at cake vodka
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
