yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
