my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
