I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
