Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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