If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
