whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
