tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
