at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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