I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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