First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Randomize
