I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
