why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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