...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
