ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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