We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
