Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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