I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
