why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
