He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
