he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
