You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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