It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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