Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
