Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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