I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
