babies were throwing up all over the place
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
