Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
