: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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