Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my poor anus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
