Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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