while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
