So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
