Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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