no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
